Worst 4th of july Ever...

The reason for this thing is that I'm getting a lot of pressure from friends and family to have something they can follow/check-up on me by when I'm traveling and MIA from contact.
So I'm starting a blog and a photobucket account.

This'll show em.

Also- I'm a horrid speller and a worse gramertician. Deal with it.



(this is-obviously- for the 4th of July 2008)
So I wake up this morning from a really good nights sleep- oh wait... no.
Apparently, in my sleep i kicked over a bunch of stuff and in the process split open a toe nail! Yay, night terrors: Causing random pain and bruising for over 15 years of my life.

Anyways- I get woken up by my phone.
Not surprisingly, it's my mom. Ever since my brother moved away to boston, she calls me 3 times day minimum and if I ignore it or don't pick up she panics, thinks I'm dead, and calls 4 more times. If I don't answer those she starts calling my friends.
So, that's fun.

Our morning chat goes like this...
Mom: do you know what day it is?
Jody: It's forth of July and something else.
Mom: What else?
Jody: I think it's your birthday? Happy birthday mom.
Mom: My birthday is Thursday.
Jody: umm exactly. Happy birthday.
Mom: It's Friday.
Jody: Oh, sorry.

So, i get my shit together and head out to Agoura Hills.
Apparently mom and my Aunt Chris are out at the beach while my dad pulled his back- leaving me with a long list of chores and things to do get ready for a Fourth of July party.

So after sweating my ass off in the sauna that is the garage: moving shit and fixing the automatic door- i then have the pleasure of setting the table and trying to cook the food.
I am the worst cook ever.
And my dad lets me know this from inside the house while he screams at me his "cooking secrets". And by "cooking secrets" i mean calling me "Retarded".

People start to show up- mostly family. But the mom of my friend Matt from High school appears. Her name is Elaine, and her New York Jew accent is almost as thick as my mom's Boston Jew accent. Together they are a symphony.

She proceeds to tell me about how my High School Arch-Nemesis found love and is getting married tomorrow.
Chris Cicuto.
here he is: http://media.www.elvaq.com/media/storage/paper925/news/2003/09/12/Sports/Cicuto.Legacy.Continues.On.The.Baseball.Field-2534086.shtml

Oddly enough, that article doesn't mention the time he made me eat grass in front of the football team.
He's my Lex Luthor.
Or maybe I'm his Lex Luthor. Depends on how you see yourself i guess.

So mom arrives with my Aunt Chris.

That's when i find out have the date even more wrong. It mom and Dad's anniversary- not my mom's b-day which is NEXT Thursday. I'm great with dates, too!
But I'm old i don't have to worry about a present...because she's getting the best present of all. My brother, "the good son", is coming back for a week.

Anyway... Family arrives and it's a whole 25min before the first fight breaks out.
Which is actually a record for us. Usually we last at most 45 seconds.

Long story short- Elaine asked a forbidden question that no one but my dad knew was forbidden... he starts yelling at her, mom starts yelling at him, and a chain reaction starts- bad blood and old wounds are opened and the Bennett family meal is underway.
It was fun.

Hey, did i mention my high school bully found love and is getting married tomorrow? Man, I hope he finds happiness.

anyway...
I go to wash up and discover 2 new zits have carefully made themselves known on my face- yay!

Then we eat my terrible food... thankfully this part went quietly because no one had the nerve to tell me how bad it was.
And it was bad.
I gave myself Diarrhea.

Then Chris proceeds to tell a hilarious story about how my dad managed to knock me on the head with a baseball bat when i was 2 and i had to go to the hospital and the doctor thought there might have been some brain damage.
What makes this story EXTRA funny... is that i had never heard it before.

Or maybe I had, but the BRAIN DAMAGE prevented me from remembering it!!!!!

Oh and real quick- for some reason my cat Webster, whom i raised since he was the size of my palm hates me now. He hissed and clawed at me when I'm walking by for no reason!!!!! This cat used to love me!
Now, my cat is acting like I'm Chris Cicuto.... speaking of which....
He used to make me eat grass in high school in front of the football team.... but he's getting married tomorrow, so that's cool.

And i think my phone is broken.
By think, i mean I did.

My one saving grace, was my cooking.
Because of the Diarrhea, my mom let me leave early.


Although I will say this- Later that evening, I wiped my butt and went to my friend Mike's party. I drank a lot and we had the bar mostly to ourselves...
So that was kinda fun.