Wednesday, July 9, 2008

2 Wild and Crazy Guys!!!

Nothing says "Livin' La Vida Loca" like planning a kick-ass night of jokes, dinner, and drinking with the roomie!

Check it, home-slice!
Tuesday: 7:30 in the PM, me and boy B to the Rent decide to go balls to the walls and walk down the the local Mexicano joint... 2 Classic Margaritas for the roomate and 2 frozen Mango mixers for me and we are DRUNK!!! Chomp down some delish steak picado and the 3 item combo and we... are... STUFFED.
We casually stumble back to the pad, where we decide to cap off with a few beers. Brent cozies up to the grey couch, i lay out on the red one and prep to watch some hilar- MST3K (Mystery Science Theatre 3000, yo).
30min into that we passed the fuck out!

But the party doesn't stop there for the Whipple Street Boyz!!!!

Last night was "off the hook", as the young Negros are saying these days.
What happend? Buckle your seat belts. This shit will blow your mind!
I get home from work at like 7:45pm... Brent was on the phone talkin' and stuff- so I played my Wii for like 45 min.

Am I right?!!

cause it gets better (or worse if you were in our way)

We hoped in Brent;s ride and took it to the limit... at our fav diner!
4n20 baby!!!!
that's right and you know what 4n20 means!!!!
Every stoner and toker from here to England knows that "4n20" is all about the Chili!!
Can i get a "what what"?

That's right. Brent had a bowl of F'in Chili and I, my fine feathered friends, had a chili burger!!!
I warned you to wear your seat belts, didn't I?! DIDN'T I?!

Please keep your tables in an upright position- cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride from here out...
Cause when I asked for a beer, the didn't have anything i liked- So went all-out-balls-to-the-walls and had a cup of water!!!!!
OH YEAH!!!!!!

After we, once more returned to the pad and tore-it-up!!!!!!

What happens next is not just dangerious, but highly illegal and could prob get us thrown in jail... but fuck it you, know. Cause the world needs to hear this... needs to know this.

We did it again, peeps.
Sat down on our respective couches... and did it once more.
Popped in the new Batman Gotham Knights Animated movie and fell asleep before the first story was over.
I know. I know.

Not everyone can handle this life style. But, let's be honest- it's not for everyone.
But it is for us.
whew.... ok... take a breath... let it settle.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Worst 4th of july Ever...

The reason for this thing is that I'm getting a lot of pressure from friends and family to have something they can follow/check-up on me by when I'm traveling and MIA from contact.
So I'm starting a blog and a photobucket account.

This'll show em.

Also- I'm a horrid speller and a worse gramertician. Deal with it.

(this is-obviously- for the 4th of July 2008)
So I wake up this morning from a really good nights sleep- oh wait... no.
Apparently, in my sleep i kicked over a bunch of stuff and in the process split open a toe nail! Yay, night terrors: Causing random pain and bruising for over 15 years of my life.

Anyways- I get woken up by my phone.
Not surprisingly, it's my mom. Ever since my brother moved away to boston, she calls me 3 times day minimum and if I ignore it or don't pick up she panics, thinks I'm dead, and calls 4 more times. If I don't answer those she starts calling my friends.
So, that's fun.

Our morning chat goes like this...
Mom: do you know what day it is?
Jody: It's forth of July and something else.
Mom: What else?
Jody: I think it's your birthday? Happy birthday mom.
Mom: My birthday is Thursday.
Jody: umm exactly. Happy birthday.
Mom: It's Friday.
Jody: Oh, sorry.

So, i get my shit together and head out to Agoura Hills.
Apparently mom and my Aunt Chris are out at the beach while my dad pulled his back- leaving me with a long list of chores and things to do get ready for a Fourth of July party.

So after sweating my ass off in the sauna that is the garage: moving shit and fixing the automatic door- i then have the pleasure of setting the table and trying to cook the food.
I am the worst cook ever.
And my dad lets me know this from inside the house while he screams at me his "cooking secrets". And by "cooking secrets" i mean calling me "Retarded".

People start to show up- mostly family. But the mom of my friend Matt from High school appears. Her name is Elaine, and her New York Jew accent is almost as thick as my mom's Boston Jew accent. Together they are a symphony.

She proceeds to tell me about how my High School Arch-Nemesis found love and is getting married tomorrow.
Chris Cicuto.
here he is:

Oddly enough, that article doesn't mention the time he made me eat grass in front of the football team.
He's my Lex Luthor.
Or maybe I'm his Lex Luthor. Depends on how you see yourself i guess.

So mom arrives with my Aunt Chris.

That's when i find out have the date even more wrong. It mom and Dad's anniversary- not my mom's b-day which is NEXT Thursday. I'm great with dates, too!
But I'm old i don't have to worry about a present...because she's getting the best present of all. My brother, "the good son", is coming back for a week.

Anyway... Family arrives and it's a whole 25min before the first fight breaks out.
Which is actually a record for us. Usually we last at most 45 seconds.

Long story short- Elaine asked a forbidden question that no one but my dad knew was forbidden... he starts yelling at her, mom starts yelling at him, and a chain reaction starts- bad blood and old wounds are opened and the Bennett family meal is underway.
It was fun.

Hey, did i mention my high school bully found love and is getting married tomorrow? Man, I hope he finds happiness.

I go to wash up and discover 2 new zits have carefully made themselves known on my face- yay!

Then we eat my terrible food... thankfully this part went quietly because no one had the nerve to tell me how bad it was.
And it was bad.
I gave myself Diarrhea.

Then Chris proceeds to tell a hilarious story about how my dad managed to knock me on the head with a baseball bat when i was 2 and i had to go to the hospital and the doctor thought there might have been some brain damage.
What makes this story EXTRA funny... is that i had never heard it before.

Or maybe I had, but the BRAIN DAMAGE prevented me from remembering it!!!!!

Oh and real quick- for some reason my cat Webster, whom i raised since he was the size of my palm hates me now. He hissed and clawed at me when I'm walking by for no reason!!!!! This cat used to love me!
Now, my cat is acting like I'm Chris Cicuto.... speaking of which....
He used to make me eat grass in high school in front of the football team.... but he's getting married tomorrow, so that's cool.

And i think my phone is broken.
By think, i mean I did.

My one saving grace, was my cooking.
Because of the Diarrhea, my mom let me leave early.

Although I will say this- Later that evening, I wiped my butt and went to my friend Mike's party. I drank a lot and we had the bar mostly to ourselves...
So that was kinda fun.

Dead Hookers Don't Bury Themselves (TM)

When i was a kid, my grandfather used to put his arm around me, smile warmly and say "Joe... Dead hookers don't bury themselves."

I always thought this was a quirky/fun way of telling me that everyone has to do the work that has to be done themselves.
Or that you need to clean up your own messes.
Or maybe it was just a funny thing to say.

Anyway, a year into college I found out that my grandfather was actually an Ex-Mafioso knucklebreaker for the Boston Mob.

I guess I also learned that his little sage advice was just meant to be taken literally- that dead hookers don't bury themselves.

I had it engraved onto my ipod.

That's my grandfather in the middle.